I read a piece on Social Media recently that talked about the difficulty of women asking a man out, and how such a man would go back to haunt them with that action. I bore out my mind on that post, telling them about my experience and how that notion is a myth that should not be believed. To further stress it, I have also decided to share my full story.
In my own case, I didn’t ask my hubby out, but I made the first move on him by first popping the proposal question. Five years down the line, I have not had any cause to regret my action.
Daniel and I met at a mutual friend’s party. Ours was like a case of love at first sight. We clicked instantly, and did everything together at the party, so much that our friends tagged us a couple from the first day. Interestingly, we got so caught up in excitement that we forgot to exchange contacts before we both departed.
I had gone with the celebrant to get some stuff at the nearby store, before I returned, Daniel had gone. I thought he didn’t like me enough and was only just having fun at the party, so I tried not to take it to heart. At the time, I was just out of a bad relationship, and it felt for a moment that I was rushing into another man’s arms. That way, I quickly dismissed the thoughts in my mind and tried to forget Daniel.
A few days after the party, my phone rang, and it was Daniel. How did he get my number? He told me he had secretly gotten my number from the celebrant even before he spoke the first words to me at the party. Normally, I didn’t like my number being given out without my prior permission, but with Daniel, it suddenly felt acceptable.
I was in love, I knew it. And I was not afraid to show it because he was obviously in love with me.
We started a relationship after a while and went on for about two years. Everything seemed right, but the proposal was not forthcoming. I knew he was ready, he had everything needed to settle. I was ready too, but the question didn’t pop, and it seemed like we were in a limbo.
A few times, I thought he was going to do the proposal thingy, but he seemed to lose his guts at the last moment, and he found a way to change the subject. I would be frustrated, but hide it with a smile.
At a point I got tired, and started reading up stuff about how to make a man propose. That was where I read that some men are a bit shy to do the proposal thingy. Somehow, I started to believe that Daniel was shy. Even though he was outspoken and was the life of the party when he is among friends and having fun, he just couldn’t muster the courage to ask me to marry him.
One day, I decided that I have to confront it to him or I am gonna die single. I picked up my phone and put a call across to him. With a smile and my sweet voice ringing to his ears, we bantered for a few minutes and I popped a question
“Adesua (our mutual friend) called me today and asked if or when we are getting married, what should I tell her?”
He stood there, silent. After few moments, he replied “I don’t know”.
“Okay” I said, disappointed and ready to break apart
“Tell her we have not yet agreed to get married, because I haven’t asked”
A flicker of hope in my eyes, I quickly responded, “When will you ask?”
“Right now” He said. “Will you marry me?”
My YES was unreserved, loud and joyful. I was on cloud 9 and couldn’t stop the endless smile that night.
It was done. No flowers, no long speeches, no fancy items of love, no public paparazzi and it was not about him having to wait for perfect time. We just did it.
Five years after, we are still going strong.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in asking a man out, or making him propose to you; as long as you both are in love, you are good to go.